Planning to stay home with the kids? Get fit!
©Lisa Barker
My three-year old son has taken to
running out the front door and blindly down the middle of the street. Needless
to say, this is making me a nervous wreck.
Well, I needed to give my attention
to the visiting nurse that is helping me care for my youngest daughter. I can't
have the little fireball slipping out every five minutes, so I sent him to his
room.
The next thing I know, the neighbor
is ringing my doorbell and she's got my son in tow. He'd stripped himself down
to his diaper and then escaped out the bedroom window and was found running
around the street naked.
I'm too old for this.
Oh, but it doesn't end there. If you
thought that antic was hair-raising, wait until you read on. My toddler is out
to have me committed and he just might push me over the edge.
I put a Wiggles CD in the stereo.
This makes my young ones happy as all get out. They laugh, they clap; the
three-year old hops up and down shouting the words because he can't yet carry a
tune.
How long did I look away? Three
minutes? I look back and there he is with the curtain wrapped around his head
like a super-twisted turban. One more turn and he might have sucked his brain
out.
Naturally, I bark at him and he
tries to run away. You can't do that when you're scalp is attached to the
draperies. After a few wild counter turns, he managed to escape without popping
off his head.
I thought staying at home would mean
more of those lovey-dovey moments I'd surely miss if I worked outside the home.
Word from the wise: Don't quit your day job.
The guilt you may suffer is wasted
on a figment of some child expert's imagination. What do they call it? Oh,
yeah, quality time. That would be the time you hope to spend creating endearing
memories of childhood. Well, I spend most of my time saving my childrens' necks
or threatening to break them myself.
Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE
being at home with the kids. But moms need to get real about what staying home
means. This isn't Romper Room. This is Survivor with American Gladiators
matches thrown in for fun.
If you're planning to stay at home
with the kids, first get a personal trainer. I know this may be difficult to do
between the time you deliver and bring the child home, but maybe if you run
alongside the car as your husband drives, you'll build up some stamina before
you get home and that baby starts screaming at you.
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Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just
Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and
syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent. To publish Jelly Mom, buy
the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com
. Sign up for the free Jelly MomT weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS
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. Laugh, cry, laugh some more. It's all about preserving sanity!